


Philtatos

by LovelyLittleNothing



Series: AUs no one asked for [4]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - Greek Mythology, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Kinda, M/M, Major Character Deaths but like not forlong, Non graphic depictions of violence, Reincarnation, Vignette, tsoa au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 18:56:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15249852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLittleNothing/pseuds/LovelyLittleNothing
Summary: Once, Ryan had told him a secret. He asked Shane if he could name a hero who had ever been happy. Shane had shaken his head.“They never let you be famous and happy. But I will be the first.”Shane had simply taken in the moment, basking in the childlike enthusiasm Ryan was rarely allowed to show.Suddenly though, Ryan grew somber and had grabbed his hand, splaying the long fingers apart and resting it over his own chest. “Swear it.”“Why me?”“Because you will be the reason.”---Or the Patrochilles/The Song of Achilles au no one asked for in which Ryan is the golden warrior destined for greatness, Shane is his kind yet fierce lover destined for destruction and their love is one destined for ruin.





	Philtatos

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired h e a v i l y by Madeline Miller's The Song of Achilles which is such a beautiful and heartbreaking book like seriously its Gay and amazing.

_Philtatos - most beloved_

 

It is prophesied that the son of Thetis would become far greater than his father could ever hope to be. Fearing a fate similar to Kronos, their own father, Zeus and Poseidon promise her away to a mortal; harmless, though not without prestige. A ruler, a king.

He is advised to come to her while she is asleep and bind her tightly to prevent her escape and, though she struggles dearly, even a goddess grows weary of fighting.

Not long after they are wed, a prince is born to the land of Phthia. He is perfect in every way, glowing golden as if he were more god than mortal and Thetis would rather divest herself of her own immortality than let those filthy mortals dirty yet another piece of herself.

Though try as she might, it seems as if she can never break the bindings of King Peleus.

Peleus takes great pride in his offspring, each year entering him into competitions of strength, speed, strategy. And each year his golden son wins with ease.

Her son trains, day in and day out, though not from necessity. Another prophecy is foretold that he is to be the greatest warrior of his generation. This, too, seems to ring true. He is naturally talented, lean and agile from a young age and is faster and stronger than any grown man around. More charming and beautiful, too.

Thetis watches from the sea, visiting her son only at night and refusing all contact with mere mortals. One day she plans to win him immortality, win him godhood, an escape from the dredges of humanity, but for now she watches over her only son silently, seething with hatred and humiliation.

Soon, all within the kingdom, and even beyond, know of his greatness. The demigod, the prince, the _Aristos Achaion; best of the Greeks_.

The crown prince, Ryan.

\---

Shane arrives at Peleus’ palace when he is 12, all knobbly knees and nervous eyes. He speaks to no one, keeps his shoulders hunched as if it would somehow hide his already greater than average stature and fails miserably at all the drills he and the other sons indebted to Peleus are made to do.

He wishes to make acquaintances, if not friends. Wishes to find some way to make his existence in the palace less miserable, but his fear of being discovered drives him to the outer corners of the dining hall. He is weak and useless, just like his father says of him.

Being a prince, Shane ought to be more noble, more worthy, but he is disgraced, exiled to Phthia after accidentally killing another child. His father had been more disappointed that Shane had not had the forethought to lie than he was about him having killed another boy.

This shame weighs heavy on Shane, forces his gaze down and his spirit downtrodden even as the golden prince unknowingly does his best to pull Shanes eyes to him at the dining hall table. Try as he might, though, even Shane’s shame is not enough to combat the Prince’s allure and Shane is glued to his glowing figure seated at the center, surrounded by dozens of other boys fawning for his attention.

To be graced by Ryan’s attention would be like being blessed by the gods themselves and the other boys clamber for the slightest bit of favor. But Shane stays in the farthest reaches, frantically ignoring every accidental meeting of eyes.

Perhaps that is what gains Ryan’s attention; how different Shane seems to be. He doesn’t fall to his feet in wonder or agree with every word that slips from his mouth as the other boys seem to. Instead, he resolutely avoids him and almost everyone else in the palace. Ryan takes this as a challenge and, as the greatest warrior of his generation, he intends to win it.

 

\---

Ryan takes Shane as his Therapon, his _brother in arms_ , and soon there is nowhere Ryan can be found that Shane is not. Shane expects this to be little more than eternal servitude but is gratefully surprised to find it to be a kinship rivaled by no other.

He wants to hate Ryan, and does in fact envy him for his natural strength and grace where Shane has none, but finds that he cannot. Ryan shows him kindness and care, the likes of which Shane has not known in his life, especially not from his perpetually disappointed father.

He gives him lodging in his own room and allows him to attend his tutoring sessions and training exercises and though he is more than a little arrogant, Shane supposes he has the right to be. He is prophesied for glory afterall.

And glorious he is.

Shane finds himself lying awake in his cot in Ryan’s chambers, watching as the moon shines its light across Ryan’s sleeping face. In his sleep his arrogance and bravado fade away, leaving a young boy not unlike himself in its wake.

Ryan seems to glow even without the sheen of sweat across his brow and when Shane looks at him he thinks of the kind boy who makes up songs on the lyre and tells him funny stories intended to be scary, not the destructive machine everyone says he will be. In the calm, late hours of the night he is not Aristos Achaion, killer of man. Instead, he is best of the Greeks, kind of heart.

When Ryan wakes him the next morning, jumping into his cot with one swift movement and placing his nose on top of Shane’s, Shane finds he shines twice as brightly as the morning sun flowing in behind him. 

\---

Ryan kisses him for the first time on the beach when they are 14.

Shane had followed him out after Ryan had left to talk to his mother, Thetis. He always returned from these talks cold and withdrawn, as if Thetis’ hatred of men managed to embed itself within Ryan like the salt that still clung to one’s skin after too much time spent near the open sea.

Shane could never stomach the idea of Ryan hating him as his mother hated all mankind and as his own father hated him, so this time he follows, pulled by an inexplicable need.

Surprisingly, Ryan is elated to see him, cryptically talking of glory and godhood as he was wont to do. Shane nods along as if he could fathom ever being more than what little he already was, as if Ryan could be even more than the greatness he already is.

They walk along the shore and, though Shane feels unease at being so close to Thetis’ domain, he is comforted as always by Ryan’s steady presence.

Eventually, they stop a little ways away from where they had initially met and Ryan turns to him suddenly, gently pulling him close. Under the moonlight his eyes glow wide and bright.

“I will be the greatest there ever was. And you will be beside me, sharing in the honor,” he pulls them closer and Shane can feel Ryan’s breath on his lips as he whispers, _“philtatos_.”

Ryan tastes sweet like the figs he was constantly juggling and throwing at Shane when he was least expecting it. Shane pulls him closer still and, even as his figure stoops lower to capture Ryan’s mouth with his own, Shane swears he has never soared higher in his life.

The kiss feels sacred to him, like speaking prayers into the night sky.

They part slowly, reluctant even as they continue to chase each others’ mouths with soft, chaste kisses. Finally, Shane leans his head against Ryan’s and takes in his exhilarated, breathless expression. They remain intertwined for a minute before Ryan’s lips curl into a devious smile.

“Race you back to the palace!” Ryan grins, taking off like he had the hounds of Hades at his heels.

Shane looks after him dopily and goes to follow him at a languid pace, knowing no matter how fast he runs he has no chance of catching up to him.

As Ryan flees out of sight, however, the air grows colder, damper, and Shane feels as if he has been submerged under frigid water. A voice like the crashing of waves fills his ears and he turns to see Thetis standing tall in the suddenly placid sea.

“I see my son has taken a liking to you, son of Menoetius.”

Shane nods slightly, not daring to speak.

“My son,” she spits out, “is destined for greater than the likes of you. You will not distract him from the glory he is promised. I assure you, he will toss you aside when it comes time for him to fulfill his Fate. You. Are. Nothing.”

And as suddenly as she came, she was gone again, melting into the sea as seamlessly as one wave into another.

Shane never tells Ryan of her message. 

\---

When they are 16 bordering on manhood, Ryan disappears. Shane pleads with King Peleus to tell him where he has gone off to and, though he resists at first, eventually he gives in.

Shane learns that Ryan has left to continue his training under Chiron, a legendary trainer of gods far into the Pelion mountains and Shane is filled with an urgency the likes of which he has never known before.

He’s gone before he even knows what he's planning on doing, willing to follow Ryan to the ends of the earth.

Though he is not a runner, he finds he has made it to the forest before he is able to collect his thoughts. He’s barefooted and, as the forest creaks ominously around him, he is beginning to regret his rash decisions. Not his decision to find Ryan of course - though he worries if Ryan would even want to be around someone like him - but his decision to be so hasty.

A twig snaps to his left and he whirls around, desperately trying to recall any of his training but coming up only with memories of goofing off with Ryan as their trainer scolds them.

He doesn’t have long to agonize, however.

Suddenly, Shane is knocked to the ground and he prepares himself for the worst. When he looks up, however, he sees Ryan, beaming at him and looking full of life.

“Shane! What are you doing here?”

He makes no move to get off him and instead settles more comfortably on top, resting his nose lightly against Shanes. Shane almost goes cross eyed searching for the point of contact.

“I came to be with you. If you’ll have me.”

Ryan’s wide smile melts into something smaller, softer.

“Of course. You are my philtatos. I will always have you.”

Shane’s heart pounds and he wishes he could blame it on the run, on the fear he felt before he discovered Ryan in the woods. But he knows the truth.

So Shane shoves Ryan gently and laughs when he huffs and rolls his eyes at him. Slowly, they get up together and make the trek to the wagon that will transport them up the mountain to Chiron’s cave. 

\---

They spend the summer picking berries and learning from the legendary Chiron. He himself admits that Ryan is already the greatest warrior of his time and that he has no further knowledge to impart upon him. Chiron instead offers to train Shane but he and Ryan just look at each other and laugh and Chiron leaves it at that.

Instead he teaches them of herbs and animals and medicine and Shane is surprised to be picking up on the lattermost with an ease he has never known before.

Together, they spend the days learning or foraging, bathing in the river or telling stories and then, once night falls, something else awakens.

Alone in the cave they huddle together, though they do not need to. Whether Ryan presses close to Shane or Shane presses close to Ryan, the effect is the same. Hands roam freely and sweet nothings are passed along through the brush of lips.

Ryan will pull away occasionally, never too far but enough to hold eye contact, and just memorize Shane’s face, his skin, his entire being.

“Have I ever told you what I love about you?” Ryan pants and Shane is pleased to note that this was the only time in a long time that he could recall Ryan being breathless.

“I’m sure I wouldn’t mind a little reminder.”

Ryan huffs out a laugh at Shane’s slightly smug tone but moves in closer anyways. His lips trail over Shane’s, the ghost of pressure as he speaks sending shivers down his spine.

“This…” Ryan kisses him deeply before moving lower to a freckle on his neck, “and this,” Ryan moves lower again to his chest right above his heart, fingers exploring all the while, “and this.”

Shane is flushed beneath him and now they both are breathing heavily.

“Tell me again.”

Ryan smiles.

 

\---

Their escape doesn’t last for long; reality always sets back in.

Ryan has a prophecy to fulfill and the retrieval of the beautiful Helen seems to be the perfect opportunity.

They find themselves young men in the middle of a long war and Shane is unsure of how it has come to this.

Ryan’s temper is as infamous as his prophecy and though it had never once been directed towards him, Shane is intimately aware of it.

He is grateful of Ryan’s refusal to give Sara up to Agamemnon, knows his plans for her from the greedy look in his eyes and is quite fond of her friendship as well, but he still feels sorrow for his fellow Greeks who die every second Ryan holds back himself and his troops from the battle.

He tries to convince him but Ryan remains steadfast in his decision and Shane had long ago resigned himself to following Ryan to the ends of Time. This is just another way in which he finds himself following him.

Still, every day he spends treating yet another fallen soldier makes his hands twitch with the urge to do something other than mend.

He falls to his knees in front of Ryan one day in their shared tent, taking his hands in his own and pleads with him to lend him his armor. It’s a logical plan and necessary with how badly the Trojans are beating them but still Ryan hesitates.

“Promise me you will not do anything reckless,” Ryan pleads him, callused hands cupping Shane’s face desperately, “Promise me you will turn back before you reach the wall. Please. I cannot lose you.”

“I promise.”

That night, Ryan kisses him sweetly, nothing but love in his eyes and in his touch. When Shane whispers to him _tell me again_ , they both taste the desperation that colors their actions. 

__

\---

Ryan spends the next morning helping Shane into his armor. There is quite the disparity between what Ryan looked like in the armor and what Shane currently looks like, but in the heat of battle and surrounded by slaughter, the Trojans are too horrified at the glimmering vision of Aristos Achaion and his hoard of warriors charging towards them to take stock of the added inches.

Dressed as his lover and imbued with his blessed armor Shane takes down soldier after soldier, feeling possessed with a power he had never before known. Hungry for more and filled with a kind of sickening rush he leads the men on, charging for the wall even as Ryan’s warnings play in the back of his mind.

He climbs up, up, up, breathless with exhilaration and dizzy with conquest when he notices a man standing atop of the wall, staring down at him. He ignores him in favor of continuing his climb.

Shane startles and looks closer however, when he hears a voice surrounding him, clear as if it were bring spoken directly into his ears.

“Little mortal, playing at being a god. Weren’t you given a warning, hmm?”

Shane feels himself being knocked off the outer wall, yet he persists. Twice more he begins his ascent and twice more he is knocked down.

Only on the third time, laying broken on the ground, does Shane realize he has been tricked, mind made foggy by Apollo’s hand.

Hector approaches him, spear in hand and Shane closes his eyes.

 _Ryan_ , he thinks. 

\---

Before the war had truly begun and Ryan’s future hadn’t quite yet seemed so set in stone, he was warned that killing Hector would be his downfall.

Shane would beg him not to go near the other man and Ryan would simply shrug, take Shane’s larger hands in his own and say, “What has Hector ever done to me?”

Then, it had filled Shane with a kind of hope and the naive belief that he and Ryan- a mere mortal and a demigod- could bend Fate to their will. Shane didn’t believe in much but he believed in Ryan.

Now, life slowly, painfully, leaving his body, he knows it's only a matter of time before Fate comes to deliver. 

\---

Shane wakes on the beach, anguished howls wrenching at his soul and he knows at once the source of the noise.

Once, Ryan had told him a secret. He asked Shane if he could name a hero who had ever been happy. Shane had shaken his head.

Ryan had latched onto him then, like a lifeline, brown eyes glowing in the fading light of the fire, something wild and desperate growing as each flame blinked out of existence.

“They never let you be famous and happy. But I will be the first.”

Shane had simply taken in the moment, basking in the childlike enthusiasm Ryan was rarely allowed to show.

Suddenly though, Ryan grew somber and had grabbed his hand, splaying the long fingers apart and resting it over his own chest. “Swear it.”

“Why me?”

“Because you will be the reason.”

Shane had sworn it then, without a hint of hesitation. Now, however, Shane regrets it with every ounce of his being. He had never wanted to let him down. 

\---

  
“You! You’re the reason he’s dead! He’s only ever wanted to protect you and now he’s gone! The greatest of the Greeks is dead!” Sara cried, struggling through the foreign language, though the pure hatred in her eyes conveyed enough.

“No, I- that’s not true! I loved him!”

“You love nothing but your fame and no one but yourself. You are selfish and that is why he is dead!”

Shane watches as Sara storms away in tears and Ryan crumples in front of him. No longer is he shiny and bright, like the sun itself was peering through borrowed skin. Instead, Ryan is hollow, empty, lifeless and Shane aches to reach out and feel his warmth, to press him against his chest and speak soothing words until all is calm.

But Shane is little more than air and memories, intangible and unable to help. 

\---

The battlefield is a bloodbath.

During the day, Ryan takes to the field and slashes down Trojans as easily as breathing. Now, he has only one thought on his mind.

With Ryan back in the war, the tides shift quickly to the Greeks’ favor. Too quickly.

In his mission to kill Hector, Ryan is close to tipping the scales and causing the fall of Troy long before the Fates have willed it.

Ryan’s anger, unchecked, has the possibility to defy the gods.

 _If only_ , Shane catches himself thinking, _our love had had the same power_. 

\---

When Ryan returns to his tent each night he is alone. Save for Shane’s lifeless body next to him.

Thetis has given him some kind of cocktail to preserve him and yet it is still not the same.

The body doesn’t gleam with warmth and humor. Doesn’t stretch it’s limbs around him to cocoon him in warmth. Doesn’t love him.

Yes, Shane’s body is still here with him but Shane himself is long gone.

Still, Ryan hurts too much to let go. 

\---

Hector cowers before him, pleading.

“There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw.”

\---

  
Shane comes to Ryan in a dream and pleads for him to cremate his body.

Shane is tired, so tired. He wants rest and to finally be taken to Hades’ realm. Selfishly, he wants to stop being privy to Ryan’s own destruction.

For a second, Ryan hesitates and Shane worries he loves him too much to part with even this empty shell.

In the end, however, Ryan relents. Of course. Ryan loves him too much to deny him anything, even in a dream. Even in death.

 

\---

The funeral pyre is lit. More people than Shane had ever realized had loved him come to mourn. The loudest of all is Ryan. The truest of all is Ryan.

At the end, Ryan returns to his empty tent and lays awake. He has nothing left to live for. 

\---

Ryan fights mechanically and without any of his past vigor. With Hector gone he is left without a drive. Still, he is a formidable foe and none are able to stop him.

None, that is, except a cowardly Trojan prince who’s poison arrow is quietly helped along its path.

Those who see him in his final moments say Ryan’s eyes slipped close as his hand moved up towards the sun, closing as if grasping some invisible hand. 

\---

Shane wakes up on a deserted beach and he is confused. There is nothing left for him here, no warriors, no warships, no war.

No Ryan.

Still, with nothing better to do he begins walking, feet guiding him from the shore unbidden.

Eventually, he stumbles upon a large monument in the middle of the beach. Dark and imposing, it towers above him. Splayed across it in large proud letters, it reads R Y A N P E L I D E S and nothing more.

Shane understands why he is back.

Ryan had commanded once, while Shane was still haunting the grounds and Ryan was haunting himself, that his and Shane’s ashes be mixed together. Entwined for all eternity. Any monument a monument for him and Shane, his philtatos, his most beloved.

Thetis refused.

Shane was back because he had been forgotten, forsaken.

His legacy abandoned, Shane would now also be abandoned on this sandy shore where his own beloved had died.

He had truly, naively believed that he and Ryan would be reunited in the Underworld. It’s time, Shane thinks, that he give up on all these silly beliefs. 

\---

Days pass. Or maybe weeks or years. Shane has no way of knowing. He doesn’t care. All he has left are memories.

He remains by Ryan’s monument and remembers. 

\---

“Why are you here.”

Shane startles, so unused to hearing a voice not his own. Before him stands Thetis and, though she is immortal and ageless, standing before him she seems tired and weighed down, as though she could sink through the sand and never stop falling.

“I- I cannot leave. There is nothing for me anywhere.”

She eyes him cooly, yet without the active disdain she had once held so many years ago.

“There is nothing for me anywhere as well. I have lost it all.”

Thetis seems terrifyingly human.

 

\---

“I am made of memories.”

Thetis seems desperate, hungry for any way of connecting to her son, and moves towards Shane, leaning her hand against the smooth stone monument.

“Then speak.”

\---

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world…”

\---

  
Thetis looks at Shane wearily, looking stretched thin and fading.

“It’s finished.”

Shane looks at her in confusion, opening his mouth to ask her what she means when Thetis steps aside and shows him.

Etched along the stone monument, it now reads R Y A N P E L I D E S, S H A N E M E N O E T I D E S. 

\---

Hands reach through the darkness. Around them, the world bursts into light. 

\---

A new dawn breaks. Harsh and piercing, the bright sun casts itself across Ryan peacefully sleeping, waking him in increments. 

He’s up far earlier than his alarm is usually set for but it’s his first day interning at his new job and, though he knows he should be irritated at his loss of sleep, his annoyance slips away from him like water through fingers. 

For some reason Ryan feels a pull, deep in his chest, as if Fate were beckoning him. 

He scoffs and shakes his head as if to dislodge the thought, chalking his restlessness up to little more than excitement to begin work. But even as he slowly lifts himself out of bed, he can’t shake away the feeling of inevitability.

Twenty minutes away, at his own apartment, Shane jolts awake harshly. 

Forgotten stories melting from his lips before he has the time to collect them, pooling somewhere inside him. Something is...different.

The sun pierces his vision, filling his mind with visions of gold. For a second, his head pounds and his sheets feel like cold, smooth stone beneath his fingers.

Shane groans before reaching for a bottle of Advil. It wouldn’t do to have a headache on his first day of a new job. And for whatever reason, Shane feels like today is the type of day people tell stories about.

\---

Familiar eyes lock across a shared desk space. 

\---

 _This._ Lips against knuckles. _This and this._ Eyes glowing bright and smiles glowing brighter. Tousled hair and the faint smell of the sea. _This and this and this._

\---

_We may fall in love every time we open up our eyes. Infinity times infinity times infinity._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I loved writing this because Shane and Ryan fit absolutely perfectly as Patroclus and Achilles for me?? and of course I had to shoehorn in my girl Sara as Briseis bc duh thas my wife. But if you have any questions or wanna hear any more of my ideas abt this au (bc i have a Few) come shoot me as ask in my bfu sideblog @ boogariac or my mainblog @raphaelslewis. Thanks for reading and please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed! Ending line in italics is from Sun by Sleeping At Last who make some gorgeous music (a lot of which reminds me of Patrochilles lol)


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